


Mixed Up Party Plans OR How to Score a Lapdance from a Goddess

by PoisonKisses



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Birthdays, Cake, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 22:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8119138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonKisses/pseuds/PoisonKisses
Summary: It's Barbara Gordon's birthday, so strippers and cakes seem like a good thing, right? Right?!
What could possibly go wrong?





	

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of Batgirl's birthday.

"Forget it, Ivy. There is NO way into VyGen. That place is a fortress. Maybe..." and here Selina pushed back from the small bistro table Pamela Isley, Harleen Quinzel, and she were having lunch at, "Just maybe I could get myself in. But Zippy here," and she gestured to Harley, who was attempting to cram an entire sandwich into her mouth, "can't do anything without showing off. All it would take is someone to knock 'shave and a haircut' and she'd burst out Roger Rabbit style."

Harley took issue with that and said something around her sandwich, which came out as "Hrmmmmph!" Ivy crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"And you...you literally leave a trail of GROWING PLANTS behind you."

"I do not!" Ivy protested, but defensively, and she looked down and noticed several wildflowers growing through the sidewalk cracks and clustering around her cute strappy sandals. "Ok, point taken."

Selina drained the rest of her lemonade as Harley choked down her sandwich and Ivy idly picked at her spaghetti. Selina began to feel bad. Ivy rarely came to her with anything. She'd seen the numbers on this fertilizer additive VyGen Corp was about to bring to market--there'd be thousands of cancer cases. Little kids in the Leukemia wards. Ivy wanted in there to have a word with Vyctor Mattus, CEO and founder, and Selina wouldn't have minded a few rounds with the little toad herself.

"Ok. Let's try this..." Ivy perked up, her green eyes burning. Harley gulped some chocolate milk and grinned at her. "Let's do some recon..."

***

Barbara Gordon, the high-kicking, kick-ass hero of Burnside better known as Batgirl, was trapped. Caught. Even helpless.

"Face it, Babs, you're just gonna have to suck it up and let us handle this." Alysia Yeoh, former roommate and close friend, was grinning at her from the backseat.

"You need a little fun, sweetie, and to relax. You don't wanna end up all lonely and grim like that other Bat," said Dinah, her best friend and sister in spirit.

"Lonely? Have you seen the Manor recently? He has like 40 people there now. I can't even keep up with them all." She crossed her arms, stubbornly, and frowned. Catching a glance at herself in the mirror she immediately uncrossed them and stopped making that face. She looked too much like her Dad.

"Methinks the Batgirl doth protest too much," laughed Alysia, and Dinah giggled.

"FINE." Barbara snarled, which just made the other two laugh more. "Throw me a birthday party, but nothing stupid. just a cake and some friends."

"DEAL" the other two cried.

***

Mr. Terrence Smythe was VP of Exploratory R&D for VyGen and he was backed into a corner. Mr. Mattus wanted a party for the board of directors to celebrate the impending rollout of Eden Essence, the new fertilizer additive developed by his department, and he had exacting requests for said party.

Blow. Booze. Hookers. He wanted strippers, too, and he had personal tastes in mind.

Speaking of taste, Mattus's new temp secretary was a tasty little thing. Blonde, blue-eyed, tight little body. He leered at her as he gave her instructions.

"Ok, here's the business card. Call em and arrange for Saturday afternoon. Take some music over before hand. Mr. Mattus likes em young--as young as possible--and Asian. They can accommodate. There's a good girl." The little blonde giggled and took the card. Smythe took the opportunity to stare down her low cut blouse. Not bad at all. He dug the super buttoned down look.

"Sure thing, Mistah S!" she replied.

Accent's gotta go, thought Smythe.

***

Dinah was sending out text invites as Alysia spoke on the phone.

"That's right, it'll be Saturday at three...uh huh...right, she's super into Nightwing, you have an imp...uh huh...wait, that's his NAME? OH, no, that's...uh that's perfect. Ok great. Be by tomorrow afternoon to drop off the music. Super! Ok thanks."

Dinah looked at her, her face was turning red and once she hung up, she burst out laughing. "Everything all set? Are you ok?

Alysia had tears in her eyes. "Oh, this will be a party to remember."

***

"Ok, so the main thing will be getting in. Once in, it's no more tight than any other security setup--it's just the outer lair is airtight." Ivy frowned at the plans as Selina spoke. "We just need an in, Ivilicious. Some way to get past that--"

She paused as Harley came in, heels clicking, and sat next to Ivy. "So, kitty, Red...I have an idea, but you're not gonna like it...

***

Alysia was in a hurry when she pulled into the tiny parking lot of Wicked Kitty Dancers and Escorts. She jumped out, rummaged through the trash in her seat before emerging with the check, signed by Oliver Queen of course (and wouldn't he be thrilled when he found out how his money was being spent--she loved Dinah Lance,) and the mix CD with the party music. In her defense, she wasn't paying attention when she went to pull open the door and collided with the adorably cute blonde who was entering. 

She had a tight body and pigtails, pale skin with a heart (tattoo? makeup?) on her cheek. Has to be a dancer, thought Alysia. "Oh em gee, sorry 'bout that, cutie pie. Here, lemme help ya!" She helpfully scooped up Alysia's things and handed them to her. Alysia had just enough time to note the girl had her own CD in a small case. "There ya go, all bettah!" The blonde winked, all playful flirtation, and Alysia had just enough time to blush before she charged into the building. The girl's shorts were so short and so tight they looked painted on, and Alysia enjoyed ogling her before she, well, flounced out, having completed her business. Alysia forgot about her and started making the arrangements.

***

"So the transfer went ok?" Selina was impatient. Honestly they acted like she never did anything right!

"I swear to baby Jeebus it's all set. We're good to go!" She shut the trunk on the little dancer, Mia, whose eyes were bulging and who kept trying to talk around the ball gag. Sorry, kid, you've been replaced, she thought.

"Technically, you're Jewish. I don't know if it's allowed for you to swear on Baby Jesus." Ivy was carefully wriggling into the cake. She looked downright delicious, and Harley was trying not to stare. It wasn't fair that anyone was that curvy and flawless.

"Ok, Harls, you did well. Get into costume and supervise. I'm on comm if anything goes wrong." Ivy, in the cake, waited patiently as the other two Sirens climbed in Selina's car and drove off. A few minutes passed, and then two employees of Wicked Kitty came out and began to load the two cakes into separate vans...

***

Barbara was having fun. Most of her friends were here--those that knew her secret anyway--and watching Alysia hero worship Diana was worth the whole ordeal. Dinah had even managed to get some very alcoholic punch in her, and at the moment, she was being tugged to the middle of the room and sat in a single chair.

It was an odd setup, and Babs had just a moment to feel suspicious before Alysia took the mic.

"Now, ladies," and Barbara realized just then all the men had been lured out of the room, "we have a special treat for you. All the way from Bludhaven, the sexiest crimefighting hottie of the league...NIGHT-WANG!" 

Oh no, thought Barbara.

***

Harley had her phone out and was recording. These guys were all pigs, and she'd already been hit on three times--there were literally hookers everywhere and they still made passes at her. She was relieved when they finally rolled the cake in and the human gila monster that was Vyktor Mattus clapped his greasy hands together, anticipating being entertained with his distasteful fetish. Oh, he was about get a fistful of Ivy...

The music started. Wait, that's not the Coasters...that's "The Night Begins to Shine?"

***

The whole room went quiet.

She comes on like a rose...  
And everybody knows..

Barbara was confused, and apparently so was Alysia and Dinah, who both took a step toward the huge cake. It burst open.

Poison Ivy was breathtaking. Her eyes closed, she writhed seductively to the song while wearing only a few leafy vines and her long, shiny, blood red hair. Literally nothing left to the imagination. Barbara stared as she tossed her head in time to the music and then suddenly opened her eyes, pinning Barbara to her chair with the most sinfully sultry, wicked, hungry look she'd ever been subjected to.

Poison Ivy, Poison Ivy!  
Well late at night when you're sleeping Poison Ivy comes a creeping all around!

Ivy froze, in shock. The whole room held its breath. She glanced around, realizing she was surrounded by heroines of the League. Wonder Woman. Supergirl. Vixen. Zatanna. Barda.

"Great Gardenias," she muttered. Then, chin up and head held high, she declared, "Fair enough, but I believe someone ordered a lap dance." Like a queen, she strolled toward Barbara.

Babs smiled uncertainly and patted her lap...

***

Harley Quinn couldn't stop laughing. Ok, so things didn't go EXACTLY as planned, but, as she pushed upload, she knew Vyktor Mattus, face red with indignation and leaning back as far as he could from the thrusting package of the male dancer Night-Wang, wouldn't soon live this down.

Still, wonder where Ivy ended up?


End file.
